To Self

Trying to be normal by listening to some of the songs from my phone.Because i have learnt something about myself lately.
I have zero patience compared to even the most hot tempered people.Fearing whether i will lose everything.Nothing is permanent, that much i have seen in these few years i have lived.
Trying to cope up with the words i say or the sudden out bursts:
So here i go

1. Jab Mila Thu........
2. Teri ore... 
3. No Promises
4. Khuda jaaane.......
5. Thuj main rab diktha hai......
6. Yeh hawain, zulfo main theri ghum ho jaay
7. Dooriyan hai zaroori... 
8. Thera hone laga hoon...
9. Pal Pal theri yaad sathaye...
10. Dil kyon yeh mera shor kare...

Unbearable

Pain unbearable.............

My heart pleads

But you are not ready to listen

that i value you

not ready to listen

that you have become my breath

too proud to understand

too ignorant

I`v brought pain in to me myself

Chaos and heartache linked hand in hand

Ripping my heart in to pieces

Eyes sore with tears

Tired with misery

Waiting for the happiness

I used to have within me

The calm and beauty i brought 

to my life and to my loved ones`s

Will no longer be the same.

I wont be the same

Just as a prisoner who cannot forget the past

Its only necessity now to survive

for the sake of others

Seeing ahead

If no threads of even shredded understanding
pulls me to the life which i used to love..
And the ahead seems to loom ahead
When the mind is trapped in a whirl of emotions
where consciousness seems afar
Decisions may waver

Mind unstable...
Thoughts bitter, words harsh...
Eyes tear..,
Forehead creased
when random empty thoughts
creeps and tangles the mind

The love stands longing..

To You

Life as it is, is definitely not a bed of roses, The ups and downs are always very much on the go because one day you feel like there is nothing left to be happy about and the other day you think "phew...god..thank you for this life"

Whatever the point you would be passing you would always be glad that you overcame the problems god threw on you to test you, to see what you would do to emerge victoriously.

I cannot call myself as a strong person, neither physically nor mentally.I used to think a few years back when i was at school, that i`m quite a strong girl for my age,(mentally i mean) but uni life showed me reality quite harshly i would say, even though some people might object.Cuz, the truth is i have never been strong, never strong enough to hold the backbiting and the tell-tales etc which often happen in this life..where you become an easy target if you don`t be careful.
When i meant careful, it is all about knowing the person you talk to, not trusting them for what they show you and always keeping on mind what they would understand from what you say and what they are capable of doing to you. 
I know i do sound like a pessimist, but that is because i AM one..well not 100% but its much better if you could first see the dark side of anything so that even when things do really get bad you could always make up your mind quickly than , when you would think everything is nice and beautiful.Because nothing is nice and beautiful. It is just a balance between beautiful and ugly, the stronger person finds the beauty while the weak would be lost unable to find the beauty of things.
And i am one of them who is not strong enough.
But there is another side to this story...Not only the strong finds the beauty, even though weak the lucky person can get there..cuz luck is much more of a greater concept than people think it is..In my opinion luck is something of an unimaginable force.A force that could get the person who owns it to reach wonders..
I guess i do have a little bit of that, luck, because each time i fell (not literally), there was/is my angel who endured that pain more than i did..i`m lucky enough to own that..And each time i secretly thank god for granting me the most wonderful types of love so dearly to me..The most important trio..

harsh and hasty

This is it...(the limit i mean)
I give up
And do please excuse my words...But F*** Life
Well life did not seem that bad a couple of months ago,

but i don`t know why or how that even after being so lucky, i still can`t be happy.

What went wrong and where, this seems to be mind boggling issue for me,

Nevertheless, i try to adjust myself and go on.


And there is something i learned recently about the whole "growing up in the society process"

And that is
Shut your mouth and wait, that is good for your health

And you think.........

And you think
is it all worthwhile
the pain, the neglect
the lies, the expectations
the love, the vows
the care and the responsibilities
Would`not it be so much better
if we can go back
to the days where no pain ever
ripped our hearts
to the days where laughter was natural and often
to the days where the only pain we knew was when
we fall of a ledge or a tricycle
and the only heartaches were when mom refused to buy a sweet or a toy.
But going back is impossible.....and here we are
fighting the pains and sorrows
And wishing every minute we were in our mother`s arms to protect us from
the most painful wounds ever
The non physical wounds......

When a butterfly seeks a rose.....

I see butterflies
color the sky
their wings like petals
soft and smooth with no thorns..
seek thy high and low for the rose you are seeking for
seek thy high and low among hibiscus that attracts you so

fly away
fly away
the bees are buzzing by
no rose for thy
fly away
color the sky

"Look up dear, I`m here!!"

Eyes sting
as tears stream
over her face.
She waited
until
they turned around the corner.
Four people
carrying her father
and many more behind
sobbing,bitterly.
He has gone forever.
Never to come back.
But yet
why does she hear...,
"Look up dear,I`m here"

When the snow falls

When the dark pines whisper
and draws dancing figures
on the snow..
When the moon light shimmers
and pine needles glitters, glows
like pixies on a cold winter night..
dancing to the tunes of lullabies
of a lover...
and when the cold wind flows and reminiscence of the past
unwinds front of your eyes
i call your name..
murmur..softly
but no one was there..
The wind passes by, but the coldness remains..
within..
and when the snow falls
i tell to myself..
does n`t matter it hurts
cuz when winter dissolves
spring is sure to blossom...